54% think debt is a reason for divorce

Does your couple encounter problems and stress related to money? You’re not alone.

According to a SunTrust Bank survey conducted online by Harris Poll, 35% of people blame finances for the stress they experience in their relationships — and often at the heart of many couples’ financial conflicts is debt.

Being in debt can cause you to give up on the things that you would really like to prioritize as a couple, which can delay the achievement of various goals. In fact, recent findings from National Debt Relief report that 38% of couples miss dates and date nights when in debt.

According to the same study, people have such negative feelings about debt that 3 in 5 Americans have considered postponing their marriage to avoid inheriting their partner’s debt. In addition, 54% of respondents believe that having a partner in debt is a major reason for considering divorce.

“Debt can cause conflict and friction in a relationship, but it’s all about communication and how each partner views their debt,” says Dr. Regine Muradian, psychologist and board member of National Debt Relief. .

Although these indications seem dismal, there are steps couples can take when it comes to paying off their debts together. Here’s how debt can affect your marriage and what you can do about it:

Huge debts can cause partners to disagree about how to spend disposable income. For example, maybe one person wants to aggressively pay down their debts and throw extra money at the couple’s balance, but the other person wants to take more vacations together. These different debt, budget, and spending goals can give partners the impression that the money is not being used as they would like.

And those disagreements can drag on if high interest charges make it seem like you’ll never fully pay off your balance. Without additional debt, however, you can spend more of your money on other goals, like saving for a house, investing, or taking more vacations together each year.

Financial infidelity is when a partner deliberately chooses not to tell the truth about money. A survey by US News & World Report reveals that the biggest money-related lies that appear in relationships are secret purchases (31.4%), hiding debts (28.7%) and dishonesty about relationships. income (22.6%).

Partners who are already feeling the pressure of high debt may feel inclined to hide any additional debt — or lie about their true debt balance — to avoid shame and alleviate some of their partner’s stress. In fact, TD Bank’s 2019 Love and Money Survey found that 43% of respondents are hiding significant credit card debt from their partner.

Additionally, stressful debts can make one or both partners feel like they have to hide some of their expenses — like daily coffees or other purchases they really wanted — to avoid disappointment in their partner. joint.

Debt can be a powerful tool to help you achieve your goals, but most of the time people tend to feel shame or embarrassment. debt bearer. A NerdWallet survey found that 87% of respondents would be embarrassed to incur credit card debt.

There are several reasons for this. On the one hand, debt has become associated with the image of overspending and irresponsibility when it comes to personal finances. The feeling was that if you are in debt, you are irresponsible with money. According to that same NerdWallet survey, 60% of respondents believe that the most common way to rack up credit card debt is to spend more than you can afford.

In addition, high debts can lead to feelings of isolation. According to the American Bankruptcy Institute, debt holders may avoid interacting with friends or family because they feel like they don’t have extra money to spend on a night out or activity. Married couples in debt may also feel isolated from friends and family members if high debts force them to be more restrictive. Eventually, this could cause one or both partners to feel hopeless, depressed, and even as if they are alone on this journey.

“Debt can have a direct impact on a person, specifically causing depressive-like feelings such as low motivation and feelings of hopelessness and shame,” says Dr. Muradian. “If discussions about these emotions don’t happen, the relationship will start to seem to be affected.”

In some cases, a partner who has little or no debt can become dissatisfied and resentful if their spouse has enough debt to put a strain on the things they want in life. Resentment can also arise if the repayment of their the debt of the spouse makes the partner feel like he is making considerable sacrifices.

For this reason, it’s also important to remember that while marriage can make it easier to achieve some financial goals, your spouse shouldn’t be your plan A for debt relief.

“Setting expectations and boundaries around each person’s financial debt before marriage is key to preventing tension, stress, and arguments,” says Dr. Muradian. “For example, the person entering the marriage with a debt must recognize that their debt is their responsibility and must not depend on their partner to incur that debt.”

Debt management — especially larger amounts — can seem daunting and difficult, but Dr. Muradian outlines some impactful steps you can take to get started on the right foot.

She notes that it’s important to keep communication open about how much money it’s okay to spend.

“Avoid criticizing each other’s drinking habits and instead work to find solutions together,” says Dr. Muradian. “Each person can write out what their spending plan looks like separately, and then they can come together and merge the plan for a great path to success.”

She also says that it helps to create specific and clear goals together.

“For example, you can say ‘by this date we will have paid that much by creating monthly savings together.’ This way, the relationship is cushioned by teamwork and support.The couple will feel motivated as they achieve this goal of being debt-free together,” says Dr. Muradian.

There are also many tools available that can help you pay off your debts even faster. Balance transfer cards let you transfer high-interest credit card debt to a new card and make interest-free payments for a set period of time, usually for at least six months and up to 21 month.

During this 0% APR introductory period, you can pay off your principal faster since you won’t accrue interest charges. The Citi® Diamond Preferred® Card and the Citi Simplicity® Card offer an introductory offer of 0% APR for 21 months on balance transfers (afterwards, 13.74% to 23.74% variable APR on the Citi Diamond Preferred and 14.74% to 24.74% Variable APR on Citi Simplicity). All transfers must be completed within the first 4 months and there is a balance transfer fee for both cards, 5% of each balance transfer; At least $5.

And if you have different types of debt, personal loans can be an effective way to consolidate your debts into one simple, organized monthly payment at a lower interest rate.

So, let’s say you take out a loan like the LightStream Personal Loan or the SoFi Personal Loan: you’ll request a specific amount that’s enough to cover the total of all your debts, and the lender will send a specified amount to each of your creditors to pay off those debts. Then you will only be responsible for repaying the personal loan in the form of fixed, equal monthly payments plus interest. This can sometimes be more feasible for those who feel that managing multiple monthly payments to multiple lenders is overwhelming.

However, it is extremely important to have discussions about money before getting married so that each partner is clear about what their financial situation might look like.

“The conversations couples have about debt and finances are just as important as discussions about other topics like starting a family,” Dr. Muradian says. “Before marriage, couples need to know if their partner is in debt and understand how their debt arose. Additionally, knowing their plan for repaying their debt is equally important as it can impact their financial planning as well. that couple.”

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